4, 4, 40 & 44

This morning Helaina went to the doctor's for her yearly checkup. It's a day of 4's - 4 years old, 4 shots, 40 inches tall, 44 pounds (yikes, our home scale said 42 pounds). She was great at the doctor's office until it was time for the shots. There were tears then bribery with stickers and a stop at Hess for a slushie - that worked the best. Healthy, healthy, healthy little girl, and that's all that matters.

When the shots were over and the nurse left the room I was getting Helaina's shirt back on. She looked at me and with tears still puddled in her eyes she asked "Why she do that to me?" Cute.

2 years ago today - Guangzhou

Two years ago today was our first full day in Guangzhou. I remember it as if it were yesterday. Helaina had her medical exam with the nicest, friendliest doctor. When he first saw Helaina in just her diaper he pinched her thighs and declared "beefy" - it was true!

In a park next to the medical complex we met a class of students learning English and Jim got to ask them questions and sign their books.

We went to a beautiful park that was all decked out for Year of the Rat celebrations (guess Mickey Mouse was Micky Rat in 2008).

Helaina got to feed the fish, and thought of munching on the fish pellets that were stuck to her hand.

After the park we had lunch at a great restaurant. There's nothing special about this picture but for some reason it is one of my favorites - guess it's the look on her face - I think she liked me by then!

Guangzhou was good. We were in the home stretch being 2 days away from our consulate appointment then another 2 more days until we headed home. Not that we were in a rush to leave China (uh hum!), but we were tired, hot, sick, exhausted and generally done with living out of suitcases and sleeping on hard-as-rock beds. And then there was my EXTREME desire for something cold to drink with ICE in it. If someone asked me what I missed the most while in China, seriously I would say it was ice in my drinks - everything we drank was warm.

"What we do today I wake up?

That is Helaina's most asked question: "What we do today I wake up?" She'll usually ask it after dinner or at bedtime, wanting to know if she has school or speech or if Daddy will be home the next day. She's still confused about the differences between yesterday, today and tomorrow, but I remember that was a hard concept for Joshua to get when he was younger too. Last night she said she'd like to go to a bounce house and this morning she asked for the same thing. Mid-morning we headed out to the Spinning Wheel to check out their bouncing facility - first time for us there and Helaina loved it because they had a ball crawl. We were there for one hour & 45 minutes and she spent most of her time in the balls or zipping down the fast yellow slide.

If Jim could construct (and fit!) one of these in our basement we'd be all set.

Loved, loved, loved being in the ball pit.

Buried, but you can see her hand and red-painted fingernails sticking out.

She found a balloon in the place and carried it around as if it were gold.

This long serpent thing was cool. There was a slide in it and all sorts of things to maneuver through.

Every time she'd come out the end there would be a woosh of air that blasted out with her.

Yup, backwards head first. She's nuts.

I've been so preoccupied with other things that I haven't really thought too much about the fact that 2 years ago we were in China with Helaina. Today was the day we left Shaanxi province and flew to Guangzhou for the final leg of our adoption journey. I remember wondering that day how Helaina would do on the plane ride. Yikes, she HATED it. Absolutely DID NOT want to be restrained in the seat belt. Her and another little boy were having a screaming, crying and fit-pitching contest almost the entire flight. Helaina won the contest, though. The little boy tired himself out after a while but not our little wildcat - stubborn to the very end. I also remember cringing at the thought of the 14 hour flight home from Hong Kong to Chicago. Asking Jim how the heck we were ever going to get through that, he said drugs and alcohol was the answer - not for Helaina, for us!

Funny Helaina:

On Wednesday Jim took Helaina to school while I stayed home. We were out on the front porch when I gave her a kiss & hug and told her that I would miss her while she was gone. As she skipped down the sidewalk she said to me "I know you want me to stay but I have to go to school now. See you in 2 hours!" Far cry from the screaming child I dropped off at school those first few days last September.

Let's get back to normal, if possible

Thursday was an absolutely gorgeous day - warm and sunny. Jim went back to work that morning and Helaina had no school or speech, so we just relaxed together, chilled and enjoyed the sunshine on our faces. Here's Helaina with braids (she's into braids and ponytails lately, which is ok with me) and her new monkey earrings she got for her birthday.

Enjoying a snack on the front porch.

I got Helaina's water table out of the shed and put it on the front porch. We dumped a bag of rice, a box of small macaroni and a bag of dried green peas into it and she had a ball scooping, stirring and flinging the mixture all over the place.

It was wonderful to just relax and not think about anything - at least for one day.

One heck of a week....

Our Gotcha Day anniversary this year was bittersweet. We buried Helaina & Josh's beloved Poppa, my Dad, on Tuesday. He passed away on March 5th - not completely unexpected, but even if you sort of know it's coming, it doesn't make it any easier when it happens. When my Dad passed away we hadn't even told Helaina about Heidi yet (she thought that Heidi was at the vet's getting medicine because she was so sick) - every time I'd start to explain it to Helaina I couldn't get through it. So, Saturday night I took a deep breath and we told Helaina about Heidi, doggie Heaven (!) and explained things to her as best we could. When the explanation was over, Helaina's chin and bottom lip started to quiver and she said "I want Heidi to come home." Yah, me too.

The next day I took an even bigger deep breath as we explained to Helaina about Poppa. She listened intently to our explanation, then finally we told her that she could see Poppa 2 more times (wake and funeral) but that it would be different than our usual visits with him. Word to the wise: never use the word "sleeping" when explaining death to a 4-year old. We quickly changed the word to "resting" after Helaina said "I jump on Poppa. I wake him up!" Just had to laugh - it was good to have a little humor thrown in there.

My sister and I found this picture of my Dad at his house and it is now my absolute favorite. It's from one of his hunting trips to British Columbia many, many years ago.

Still trying to relax and recover from physical and emotional exhaustion over the last 10 days. Helaina thinks Heidi and Poppa are romping around together in Heaven, so I guess that's a good thing for her to think as she remembers them both.

Anyone who knows Helaina knows that she has a hard time sitting still for long periods of time. I was very worried about the church services on Tuesday, but an orange Tootsie Pop saved the day. When she started getting squirmy I pulled it out of my purse and it did the trick. She sat quietly and ate it all the way through to the chewy tootsie middle. At one point when Father was casually speaking he was walking directly in front of us. He saw that Helaina had her Dora cell phone up to her ear. He walked over to her, smiled and said "Are you talking to God? How are you?" Of course, Helaina thinks he asked "how old are you", so she says "4" while shoving 4 sticky fingers in his face. Father acknowledged that she was 4 and put out his hand for a high five, which Helaina promptly delivered with a loud smack. It was funny, adorable and made everyone laugh for a moment. My Dad's casket was directly in front of us in church and Helaina kept looking at it with fascination. "Poppa in there?" Yes, I told her. "He got a big blanket on him!" referring to the pall that was draping the casket. So innocent yet so sweet. Helaina gave us one more funny story to tell that day. While riding in the limo's from the church to the cemetery she would ask "Where Joshua?" (Josh was a pallbearer for his Poppa so he rode in a separate limo), then she would ask "Where Poppa?" I told her that he was riding in the car directly in front of us. She peered through our limo, saw the hearse in front of us and asked "Poppa in the trunk?" Oh my gosh, that was just the hilarious comment that we all needed. 4-year old entertainment - nothing like it.

Nickelodeon Storytime Live

Last night we took Helaina to a Nickelodeon Live show. We bought the tickets back in December the first weekend they went on sale! It was really cute and had 4 separate stories with Helaina's favorite characters.

Moose and Z were the announcers.

The first story was from the cartoon "Ni Hao Kai-lan" and Helaina absolutely loved it. Here's Kai-lan with her friends Tolee, Rintu and Ho Ho ...

... and her panda friends (yah, I know, freaky costumes). I was wondering if Kai-lan would be played by an Asian girl and I was happy to see that she was.

Sitting on Daddy's lap enjoying the show. She didn't spend much time in her seat - she was either on my lap, Jim's lap or standing dancing.

"Your backyard friends, the Backyardigans!" There's Austin, Uniqua, Pablo, Tyrone and Tasha. Yah, Jim and I know them all. Helaina nearly jumped out of her pants when the curtain went up and the Backyardigans were standing there.

"Linny, Tuck & Ming Ming too, we're Wonder Pets and we'll help you! What's gonna work - teamwork!"


And last but certainly not least "D D D D D Dora! Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer!"

Helaina loved the show and the music. She knows all the songs and had a blast dancing, singing and interacting when the characters shouted to the crowd for the kids to do something particular. Is that an excited look on her face or what?

Boots the monkey and Dora, and the Map.

Swiper the fox got a HUGE reaction when he snuck out onto the stage. Helaina (and every other kid in the place, and oh yah, me!) was yelling "Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping!!" as they all waved their arms in the air. At the end Dora was dressed up as a princess after she saved her buddy Boots.

The grand finale. Jim and I enjoyed the show too, not just because it was cute but because we knew Helaina was having a blast. I found myself singing the songs, waving to the characters and smiling a lot.

As if the 3 tickets didn't cost enough, we bought Helaina an overpriced t-shirt with Kai-lan and Dora on it. It was an expensive 2 hours, but well worth it. Sure hope Helaina remembers all this stuff. If she doesn't, we've certainly got enough pictures to jog her memory!

My Sweet Heidi Doodle

A few last moments spent with Heidi on Monday morning before she went to the vet's for the last time. Poor little gal had such a hard time breathing the night before that it was a huge relief for me to get on our way.

I told Helaina to give Heidi a hug and kiss goodbye that morning. She still doesn't know that Heidi's gone forever. We told her that Heidi's with Dr. Lin getting medicine because she was so sick. I need to be a bit more "over it" before we explain the whole thing to her. Sunday evening I tried to keep her from seeing me cry, but it was almost impossible. "Momma, why you and Josh crying? You sad?" I told her that we were very sad because Heidi was so sick.

Josh was only 9 years old when we got Heidi, and he picked her out from about 5 dogs we were looking at, and named her. It wasn't easy for him to say goodbye. Never is.

One of the rare moments Sunday evening when Heidi could still hold her head up for a while.

At the vet's Monday morning all snug and cozy wrapped up in her pink heart love blanket. I was ok on the car ride to the vet's because I was anxious to bring Heidi relief, but as soon as I parked the car and started walking into the office carrying her, that was it, I lost it. They were just wonderful, caring and compassionate at the vet's and it did help a little. It's only been a few days and I'm hoping it starts to get easier soon. I need to get a grip and get some much-needed sleep.

One of the tech's made a paw print in clay of Heidi's foot. When I got home I took a toothpick and scratched in her name and the date then baked it in the oven. I'll paint it and put it in a shadow box to hang somewhere in the house.

Now I'm just waiting for the pet cemetery to call and let me know when I can pick up Heidi's remains. I want her ashes back - just couldn't have her disposed of in any other way. They should be ready some time this week then I can bring her home again for good.

Helaina getting to know her doggie, about a month after we brought Helaina home.

Cool dudette in Helaina's Dora sunglasses.

Christmas, 2008. Heidi was so patient during the photo shoot, more patient than Helaina was.

I used to call Heidi a snow dog because she just loved running through the stuff at lightning speed, ears flopping beside her with what always looked like a grin on her face.

Diapered last year when Heidi was having bladder issues - how embarassing for her!

Helaina was feeling generous this day, giving Heidi her pillow, blanket and elephant.

I still find myself stumbling around the house wondering where Heidi is. The other day I said to Helaina "It's 4:30. Time to feed Tiger and Heidi ... oh... yah". When we came home from somewhere yesterday I was just about to tell Helaina to move away from the front door because Heidi would probably charge out at us like she always does - then I remembered. Heidi was always excited to see us return home, whether we had been gone for 3 minutes or 3 hours we got the same enthusiastic greeting. She had this full-body wag, not just her stubby little tail. Her entire butt would wag from half-way down her back to the tip of her tail. It was so funny to see her walk while wagging her entire back-side. She was a real sweetheart and I hope we gave her the good life that she deserved. Have sweet dreams in doggie heaven, Heidi. Still miss you terribly.